Having an ostomy does not mean putting your love life on pause. Instead, it simply means adapting and finding what feels best for you. Whether you’re rocking a colostomy, ileostomy, or urostomy, intimacy is still absolutely on the table! Or in bed, on the couch, or wherever you like!
The great news is that sex is possible, pleasurable, and can be deeply fulfilling with an ostomy. With a little creativity, communication, and confidence, you’ll find positions that work with your body and enhance connection with your partner.
Confidence Is Sexy
First, let’s get one thing straight. That is that your ostomy does not define your desirability. What does shine through is your confidence, sense of humor, and openness to explore. It helps to have an honest conversation with your partner, as trust builds comfort, and comfort leads to better physical intimacy and connection.
Now, let’s get into positions that prioritize comfort, body awareness, and pleasure.
Spooning (Side-Lying)
Why it works: This position is all about closeness and comfort. You and your partner lie on your sides, facing the same direction, with them behind you.
Ostomy-friendly benefits: The bag is out of sight or cushioned between bodies. There is minimal pressure on your abdomen. Bonus: it allows for gentle, rhythmic movement.
Cowgirl (You on Top)
Why it works: You’re in control of depth, speed, and pressure—plus you can adjust your position easily if anything feels uncomfortable.
Ostomy-friendly tip: You can wear an ostomy wrap or pouch cover for support and discretion. Add pillows behind your partner for stability if needed.
Modified Missionary (With Pillows)
Why it works: Traditional missionary can work well with slight adjustments. Place a small pillow under your lower back or your partner’s hips to change angles and relieve pressure on your abdomen.
Ostomy-friendly benefits: This keeps things gentle and allows for eye contact and emotional intimacy.
Edge of the Bed
Why it works: Lying on your back near the edge of the bed while your partner stands or kneels gives them control while you remain supported.
Ostomy tip: Again, strategic pillows help. Also, this position allows you to guide your partner to avoid any pressure on your stoma.
Chair or Lap Positions
Why it works: Sitting straddled on your partner’s lap (facing toward or away) gives both control and intimacy.
Ostomy-friendly benefits: It’s easy to maintain posture, the abdomen isn’t compressed, and a wrap can provide additional confidence.
Pro Tips for Ostomy-Sex Success:
- Try an ostomy wrap or intimacy belt. These can secure your pouch, reduce self-consciousness, and keep things feeling snug.
- Empty your pouch beforehand. Less bulk, less worry, more focus on pleasure.
- Use humor. If something feels awkward, laugh together. Sexuality thrives on being real, not being perfect.
- Experiment together. What works for someone else might not work for you. Try new positions and check in often.
- Sensuality beyond intercourse. Touch, massage, experiences, mutual pleasure. Intimacy is a whole spectrum.
An ostomy may bring physical and emotional changes, but your right to experience love, sensuality, and passion never changes. With the right partner and the right mindset, your sex life can be vibrant, playful, and deeply fulfilling.
So go ahead – explore, laugh, connect, and feel sexy in your skin. Your body is amazing, and your sexuality is yours to reclaim.
Citations.
Empowering Intimacy
UOAA
National Institutes of Health and Human Services